All You Need Is Love

But romantic love is not the only form of love.

“Those who cannot conceive Friendship as a substantive love but only as a disguise or elaboration of Eros betray the fact that they have never had a Friend. The rest of us know that though we can have erotic love and friendship for the same person yet in some ways nothing is less like a Friendship than a love-affair. Lovers are always talking to one another about their love; Friends hardly ever about their Friendship. Lovers are normally face to face, absorbed in each other; Friends, side by side, absorbed in some common interest. Above all, Eros (while it lasts) is necessarily between two only. But two, far from being the necessary number for Friendship, is not even the best. And the reason for this is important.

... In each of my friends there is something that only some other friend can fully bring out. By myself I am not large enough to call the whole man into activity; I want other lights than my own to show all his facets... Hence true Friendship is the least jealous of loves. Two friends delight to be joined by a third, and three by a fourth, if only the newcomer is qualified to become a real friend. They can then say, as the blessed souls say in Dante, "Here comes one who will augment our loves." For in this love "to divide is not to take away.”― C. S. Lewis, The Four Loves

So here we are presented with a rare being in the modern age--a man coming out of the closet and intending to remain celibate. Excerpts:

I first saw this video in an article from Slate magazine. In it, Jimmy, a gay Mormon, comes out to his friends and family and videotapes their reactions. Thankfully, most of them seem positive, if a little awkward. His mother's reaction is priceless.

But the line in the video that is causing controversy is when Jimmy says, "What does being a gay Mormon mean? Well, it means that I'm going to live a celibate life... sucks!"

Of course, many people are commenting on the video on YouTube, urging him to give up the celibate lifestyle:

"It would be a real sin to live a lonely, loveless life."

"He is way too happy about being celibate and single and that is just sad."

"This is simultaneously very cool & very sad. I applaud you for having the courage to admit to yourself & to others about your sexuality. But I'm profoundly sad for you that you seem unable to also unshackle yourself from the idiocy that is organized religion"

What struck me about these comments is that many people simply do not accept that living a life of celibacy as a gay person is an acceptable choice. There are many examples of brave gay people who choose to marry the opposite sex, or choose to live a celibate life because of their religious beliefs, but this is deemed unacceptable by many. You can either be gay and acting upon it, or something is wrong with you. 

Which is kind of funny to me, because "You are free to be gay, just not a celibate gay" sure sounds a lot like the much maligned, "You are free to be gay, just not to act upon it." Both of these attitudes impose rather than invite.

We are all children of the sexual revolution in the west these days. Former ways of life, former norms of sexual morality seem unthinkable, impossible, even though they were widely believed and practiced in those "bad old days." Even those who have been practicing the older habits for some time can often find those ways difficult and discouragement ready to hand.  And really, the whole sexual revolution was possible and popular because chastity is difficult.  Sex outside of marriage often feels good.  We're aimed in all the wrong directions internally--away from fidelity and constant self-gift without counting the cost, away from receiving the other in love, and towards taking what feels good, taking what we want without counting the cost to ourselves or others.  We're all upside down and inside out, with weakened wills, darkened intellects, and disordered desires.  Some people are healthier than others.  Some are less well off.  Some people will never struggle with lust a day in their lives.  Others may struggle with lust all their lives.  Some people never have an issue with gluttony, but wrath is a real trial to them and those around them.  Some will never fight envy, but may deal with pride.  I have my own share of temptations and struggles, my own history of failures and fallenness, as well as moments of goodness and adherence to truth.  As Red Green says, "I'm pulling for ya.  We're all in this together."

But for all of us, the truth remains that the meaning of life is love.  And all is grace.

“There is no safe investment. To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything, and your heart will certainly be wrung and possibly be broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact, you must give your heart to no one, not even to an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements; lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket - safe, dark, motionless, airless - it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable. The alternative to tragedy, or at least to the risk of tragedy, is damnation. The only place outside Heaven where you can be perfectly safe from all the dangers and perturbations of love is Hell.”
― C. S. Lewis, The Four Loves